threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize