my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
