Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
