Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
