You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize