I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
