never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
