You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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