i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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