thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
