take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
