Whod you bang
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
FUCK WHALES
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
