found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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