I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
