Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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