We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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