She's like a pop up book from hell.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
