Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
