I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
