I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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