Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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