Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
