my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
