Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
