They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
