You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
