can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
