the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
