NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
