I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
