I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
