i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
