can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
