I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
