All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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