you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize