Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
