I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize