I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
