come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
