the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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