There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
