Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
