i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
