Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
