he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
