you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
he was CRYING into my vagina
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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