So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
