Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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