I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
