You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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