Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
