garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
