I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
