You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
