On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
All I want is dick and wine.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
