The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
