I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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