My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
