It's like God shit irony all over that family
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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