Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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