I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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