You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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