this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize