SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm bleeding and have questions
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