found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
