So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
