i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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